You’re forgiven

photo courtesy Clay Banks / Unsplash

I remember the first time it happened. An old friend who had truly broken my heart randomly contacted me out of the blue.

Vanishing Act

Yogini and singer Aly Sunshine and guitarist Steve Jabas are NYC-based outfit Funkytown Playground

If you’ve ever tried to get a child to wash their hands to no avail, I’d like to introduce you to a “trick up your sleeve” that will help any kid dance their dirt off.

Funkytown Playground are a delightful, energetic musical duo that bring levity and joy to the nowadays more nerve-wracking topic of washing away germs with their new single, “Keep Your Hands Clean.”

The song was co-written during a particularly nasty cold and flu season pre-Covid by Funkytown’s “Aly Sunshine” and her former bandmate, “Johnny Wheels,” who has since left the band to become an essential worker…

My second baby

Sure, being #96 in line might not seem like a big deal, but there are a lot of books being sold on Amazon!

photo credit: Kelly Sikkema / Unsplash

It occurred to me that maybe some parents might be interested in learning how I am (and other parents are) able to work from home as a freelance writer (among other things), and if it’s right for them, follow the path.

I worked as a comedian and musician for a long time (and still do this kind of work regularly), so writing isn’t way outside of my wheelhouse. But even if you’re not the most amazing writer in the world, if it’s something you’re passionate about, you can still do it. Here’s how:


Photo credit: Lena Kudryavtseva / Unsplash

Mascara: I am the most important piece of make-up, because no one has perfectly long, dark, luscious lashes. Puffy pink lips can be acquired by gently brushing them with a tooth brush, blushed cheeks can be had with a squeeze or a gentle rub, and voila; the face is camera ready.

Lipstick: I beg to differ. It is me who is the shit. I come in a wide assortment of colors, including freaky ones like black, orange and white. It’s not all about berry-ripe lips symbolizing a virginal, fresh sex object ready to be plucked. …

Here’s how you can submit your work to The Monthly Visitor.

Photo credit: Neel / Unsplash

Hello and thank you for your interest in writing for The Monthly Visitor. Please bookmark this page for fast future reference.

The Monthly Visitor is a satire publication on Medium which features short, witty pieces of satire on all things female-oriented. Previous satire writing experience not necessarily required; a keen eye for a clever, funny take on female-oriented themes (this is open to interpretation) is what works on this site. Here is an example of the kind of thing we are looking for.

If this is your jam, please…

Credit: Gabrielle Rocha Rios / Unsplash

Hey girl! How’s it going?

Look, I just wanted to apologize, because I know I have been trying to kill you for some time, now, and you have finally figured it out. I wasn’t trying to do it quickly, if that makes you feel any better; I was more aiming for a nice, slow, long, drawn out death.

I wasn’t spying, exactly, but I did maybe see you Google what chemicals I’m treated with. They’re not listed on the box, but yes, dioxins (a bleach bi-product) and glyphosates (pesticides) are involved in making me. I admit it: I’m “probably carcinogenic”…

I have to be honest, I didn’t know it would last as long as it has

Still shot from Episode 20: The Maiden Voyage | @SmithFamilyFolio on Instagram

We started our family video series in April/May of 2020 as a Covid family hobby, and 22 episodes later, we are still shooting adventures, taking trips together as a family and loving spending our time together.

We’ve gotten up close and personal with baby foxes, baby owls, baby raccoons, baby deer, bugs, birds and butterflies. We’ve explored the nature around us, and even delved into the supernatural. …

This series of posts highlights fun, unique activities for kids of all ages

Photo credit: Janko Ferlič / Unsplash

It’s strange how, during the pandemic, I’ve been mad at nature, yet have also drawn her more closely. I can’t help myself but feel angry toward the omnipotent force that sometimes I maybe take for granted. Perhaps I feel betrayed. What have I ever done to nature? Well, plenty, just by being alive in the world in the time that I am. How many Happy Meals (cups of coffee, etc) did I eat out of styrofoam containers, as a kid and as even an adult? Countless. Maybe…

This slice of history offers plum views of the Delaware River and all the red elderberries you can forage

The view through the bushes, across the train tracks on the Pennsylvania side of this sweet relic

What do you like to do for fun? My husband, toddler and I love to scurry around the woods like a bunch of squirrels, finding things that have been forgotten about, buried under a century or brush, slowly rotting into oblivion. We also like to see the various animals and insects, too.

This bridge is out in the open, and we’ve driven past and under it many, many times. On a few occasions, we even tried to go find a way…

Jessica Delfino

I write about life with 1 husband, 1 kid, 1 cat, at times funny. Bylines: New Yorker, The NY Times, The Atlantic, McSweeney’s.

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