A Photo Of Myself, Post C-Section
I didn’t go into the hospital planning to have a c-section. In fact, I ignored the c-section sections of the baby books I read because I just assumed it would not happen to me. My mom had 6 girls, naturally, the oldest at the same age I got pregnant and I figured, why would things be any different for me? Apple, tree and all that business.
Jinkies was I wrong.
I do believe that if the hospital had been willing to work with me and could have been patient, I would have been able to deliver naturally. Instead, I got, “You’re jeopardizing the baby”, “You are just postponing the inevitable”, and “You can leave and come back if you want to, but you’re going to have to sign a waiver”. The three magic words hospitals use that get you every time — “sign a waiver”. Ah, no thanks!
They sent me in for a c-section upon a routine check up a week before delivery because I had low amniotic fluid, or Oligohydramnios (which sounds like a planet in a Sci-Fi movie) and can lead to strangulation of the baby with the cord and other issues.
The day after my c-section, I woke up before the sun rose alone in my hospital room. My husband had gone home to feed the cat and finish some last minute setting up for the baby since we were parents a week early. I got up and walked around the room. It occurred to me in my morphine haze that I might want to, for some reason, remember the moment with a photograph so I snapped a selfie in front of the hospital sink mirror.
As you can see, I’m a wreck. I have stitches holding my nether regions in place, an IV in my arm and bandages all below. My stomach still looks pregnant although the baby is asleep in his bassinet. My face looks pale and pasty, like I just a ghost. Because I did. I saw the ghost of my former self, child free, pre-c-section, or the remnants of it. Or the ghost of my future self; one with a new giant scar, one who’d be battling the unspoken horrors of motherhood for months to come.
Recovery from c-section was very hard and I’ve written about this quite a bit on here and on my other site, Jessy Delfino’s Blog. But 14 months out, I’m just about as good as new, and it’s true what they say; I’ve ALMOST forgotten about the pain of pregnancy, delivery, labor pains, c-section pain and the post partum depression and anxiety that followed. Almost. That’s why I’m glad I have this picture. #NeverForget.
I’m so glad to have my son I can’t even believe he is mine sometimes. But those feelings and fears are part of the reason I’m *probably* one and done. I mean, never say never. But seriously. Wow. Ouch. Wowch. Though I do kinda like my scar now. It’s a battle scar from a battle with life that we fought and won, this time.
I’ve been hemming and hawing and hesitating over posting this picture for a year, but if it helps anyone out there to come to terms with their impending or past c-section, I’m glad to share it. I’m not a celebrity so I don’t expect it to go viral or whatever or encourage the masses (hopefully it won’t, I am not wearing one dab of make up), but if it helps even one of the moms who might read this post, that’s good enough for me.
***Do you have a post-op c-section selfie you’d like to share but don’t know where? Send it to me at jessdelfino @ gmail and I’ll compile them in a post for the future. Or post on Instagram or whatever and tag #PostCPic.***
Jessica Delfino is a comedian, musician, writer and new mom who writes about life with one baby, one husband and one cat. She is currently developing a TV show about motherhood and writes about #momlife at Mommyish.com, VH1.com, her blog Jessy Delfino’s Blog, on The Coo on Facebook and Twitter, and more.
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