All My Side Hustles: How I Help Contribute Financially To Our Household As A Stay-At-Home-Mom
All The Jobs I Do In The 22 Hours Per Week I’m Not On The Mom Clock
I used to work 60 hours a week but now that I’m a mom it’s more like 160 hours per week. That includes days, nights and weekends, holidays and even times when I’m technically supposed to be “on a break”.
Truth is, there are no breaks for moms. Even when we’re not momming, we’re momming. We’re always momming. I’m ok with that, but it’s taken a little getting used to.
The day before the baby was born, I envisioned taking a week or two off from working. The day after the baby was born, I felt like I might never work again — two dramatic ends of a wide spectrum. The reality was, I wanted to get busy as quickly as I could, but I was paralyzed with postpartum anxiety about leaving the baby in anyone else’s care. Performing seemed out of the question for awhile because it competes with the baby’s bedtime and I’ve never had a “sleep through the night” baby and I am curious as to where all these special magical angel sleeping babies come from, anyway? Plus, this little delicate beautiful helpless baby needed his mommy and that feeling was a very strong force that was nearly impossible to overtake. I still haven’t really worked that out yet and I’m not sure that I ever will.
After a few months I did start to work again, but as I knew it would be, I had too much difficulty leaving the baby alone with strangers. What if they tried to throw him up in the air or steal him or feed him chicken bones? Even with referrals, even with background checks, I just didn’t want him out of my sight. I even had a hard time leaving him alone with family members. I was obsessed with his safety and it competed with my work. I couldn’t do my job well because even though I was present, I wasn’t really 100% there.
My husband and I talked about it, and our financial situation, and he said that he would prefer that do whatever made me most comfortable, and if that was stay at home and care for the baby, so be it, so after a stint of working/not working, I decided that idea sounded just peachy. I needed more time.
When I was pregnant, my husband and I worked as much as we could and squirreled away almost every penny because we knew we’d probably need more money when the baby came and not less. Because we’re astute, like a parachute. So we had a little nest egg to go with my belly egg. But it wasn’t huge and it wouldn’t last forever. I knew it would be helpful to the household for me to think of something I could do to supplement it while “not working”.
But until I really had to figure something out, I decided to try to relax a bit about money stuff and just enjoy the time I was so very lucky to get to spend with my baby. I know several moms who had to return to work a few months or less after having babies. As a self-employed person, I do have a bit of a luxury, so to speak, of defining my own schedule. But on the flip side, I get no paid leave, no one covers my insurance and I have to hustle all the time for work the way a squirrel forages for nuts. And for me, Winter can come at any time. We go through periods of plenty followed by droughts and though it’s maybe not the easiest way to live, we have come to accept it.
As the baby was turning a year old, I started to strongly feel the call of duty again. I found a nanny who I trusted and I started to get serious about working again. But it turned out she was not who she claimed to be, solid resume, references be damned. I had to start all over again.
Once bitten twice shy, I had a hard time trusting any sitters. I all but stopped working anymore because I felt so guilty about potentially having left the baby in a situation that could’ve been perilous. I was wracked with remorse and got very seriously dedicated to making sure the baby and I had a lot of fun to try to make up for it. We went to all types of classes and playgroups, libraries, story times, festivals, weird baby events, meet ups, sight seeing, you name it, we did it. He won’t remember an iota of it, but I will, and I have photos to prove fun was had.
After another 2–3 months of that, I started to feel open to letting a new sitter in. We had a woman referred to us by 2 of my friend moms who work with her. She is doing a wonderful job but I can’t open up to her as I wish I could because I was burned badly and so I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop. It’s an awful way to be and it ultimately probably won’t prevent her actually failing us somehow, but it’s my own cross to bear. I hope she doesn’t read my blog and I doubt she does. But if she does, you’re doing a great job! It’s not your fault I’m being so extra watchful of your every move, even when it seems like I’m not.
Now we are coming up on a year and a half after the baby’s birth. I am again starting to get into a groove where I’m getting work done and helping contribute to my family financially again. Though I formerly had a rule that I only did comedy or music related work, what I’ve more recently decided is, it doesn’t really matter what I do as long as I don’t hate doing it. I’ve just got to bring in that green paper and by any tolerable means necessary.
So, here are the things I’m doing to make money now, mostly because I can do them at home while the baby naps or for a couple hours here and there and when the sitter is with us. Maybe it’ll help other moms think of side hustles they could do, too.
-Teach guitar, ukulele and vocal lessons in my small NYC music studio or in other people’s homes
-Write stories for websites and magazines
-Scriptwriting
-Sell antique sinks and other things on Etsy and eBay as well as in our little antique booth
-Make commission off other music teachers teaching students I can’t teach
-Sometimes perform comedy or music on stage or act in comedy videos or commercials (though not as much as before baby came)
-Sell homemade ornaments out of tampons
-Sell my CDs and other art (see above)
-This blog, in theory, via affiliate links
-Voiceover work for radio
My largest chunk of income, currently, is just about tied between writing and music lessons. Hosting parties comes in 3rd. All the others pay a couple times per week or month and seem to have some windows that are busier than others.
When you look into your skill set, what do you see? How can you apply it to your busy mom life? Can you apply it? I couldn’t apply my feet into socks much less my skills to conducting business until I was ready. But now I’m back and it feels so good to be working again, even if it is just in spurts and fits.
I tried for years to “get a job” by sending my resume out to hundreds of places. I sent it to web editor positions, director jobs, art and artist positions, assistant work, editing, all different types of jobs. I simply couldn’t get hired. Maybe it’s because of my sordid past as a dirty folk rock singer. Who knows. I finally gave up and decided to just freelance and start my own music school. The music school was doing well — I had 40+ students, but then it got upended by the arrival of Senor Baby. I think it was a fair trade. I was ready for a change anyway, and writing provided that change.
It also really helped me manage a lot of emotions I was digging through with my huge life change.
I sometimes wonder if I’ll ever have another jobby job ever again? Will anyone ever hire me? I will toot my own horn here and say, I’m an incredible employee. I take work super seriously and I really get into projects. I’m super creative, I have a crazy amount of media contacts, I am press savvy and I’ve had a ton of therapy so my boundaries have gotten a lot of reinforcements. I’m a nice, mostly sane person with a sincere love and loyalty for my friends and family. Sold? Hire me to write something. Or buy a sink from me.
I like working freelance and on small projects because I can make my own hours and make as much money as I would in a full-time job, working part-time. However, I don’t have any benefits and freelancers pay higher taxes which really hits hard each Spring.
I hope this has helped inspire you to get to work if you’re ready. And if you’re not, go soak your feet, play with your baby and enjoy the time you have (ha ha) “off”. It will be over before you know it. This I know and in some ways I do not look forward to. A little part of me wants my baby to always be with me and be my baby. I see pics of him on the fridge at 3 months, 4 months and here it is, over a year later and he’s so big. But the other side of me knows that I’ll know my position is being re-configured when he is saying goodbye and going away to college. The job might be more part-time, and remote. But I’ll still make sure to put in as much overtime as he will allow.
