This Is What It’s Like To Confront A Food Addiction

I’m Compelled To Constantly Eat Delicious Garbage Food Like Some Kind Of Raccoon

Jessica Delfino

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It’s weird to accept and admit something as confusing as, “I’m addicted to food.” Yeah, aren’t we all, kind of? Eating isn’t an option, it’s a necessity. But I confess that I have very little control over what I eat.

For as long as I can remember, my diet has sucked. It’s gotten better over the years, but in general, it’s pretty bad. Most of my meals are bread with a side of bread. I look for cheats and ways to be able to eat more sugar and let it be O.K. I seek out articles about how sugar isn’t actually that bad for us, and revel in self-righteousness and reward myself with snacks when I discover facts that confirm that without fruit, humans wouldn’t have ever evolved to walk upright, or that thinking burns calories too, and that carbs are what athletes and Olympiads a.k.a. winners eat! These are justifications for me to binge on exactly what I wish. Meanwhile, the Kate Moss quote lurks around in the back of my head, and haunts my psyche. You know the one — that condescending and succinct, “Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.” I don’t know about that. Gorgeous, slight, successful Kate has surely never eaten a tear-stained warm brownie in the dark after a break-up.

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Jessica Delfino

I write about life with 1 husband, 2 kids, 1 cat, sometimes funny. Instagram.com/JessicaDelfino Bylines: TheNew Yorker, The NY Times, The Atlantic, McSweeney’s.