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The Secret To Becoming Likable

It sounds like a cliche, but it really works

Jessica Delfino
7 min readMar 31, 2019
Photo by Velazar Ivanov / Unsplash

Who doesn’t want to be liked? In school, being liked is how we learn about success. It’s how we develop confidence, certain skills and begin to understand how the world works.

Being liked means that we are welcome in our community; that we feel safe, that we are able to share ideas and thoughts freely. It means we get invited to parties, we are enabled to build strong friendships and relationships, and that we develop a sense of self-worth.

Being unliked provides the opposite. Being unliked makes us develop self doubt, it makes confidence shrivel. It crushes our understanding of the world and raises confusing questions with seemingly no answers.

It means we don’t feel welcome, we don’t feel safe, our ideas and thoughts will not get the opportunity to flow and thrive. It means we won’t get invited to events, asked to dance, get a chance to build relationships with as much ease and that we won’t thrive like those who are liked.

I remember the first time it occurred to me that I’d like people to like me. I was in third grade. I had just moved to a town in Maine and had started attending a new school. I was dressed like Punky Brewster; bandanas, gummy bracelets, torn jeans, make up. I was a little phony punk. The kids…

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Jessica Delfino
Jessica Delfino

Written by Jessica Delfino

I write about life with 1 husband, 2 kids, 1 cat, sometimes funny. Instagram.com/JessicaDelfino Bylines: TheNew Yorker, The NY Times, The Atlantic, McSweeney’s.

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