My Infant Just Turned One And I’m Struggling As I’m Celebrating

Jessica Delfino
3 min readAug 11
Look at that glowing hair and rosy skin; that very large belly, those giant pregnant mammories…

by Jessica Delfino

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A year ago, I had a baby. It’s still new and fresh, in some ways, but at the same time, feels 1000 miles (and at least a year) away. It was among the best and scariest days of my life. It was a heck of a lot less horrific than my first birth, the birth of my son. I want to add here, that, as scary as it was, he is among my all time favorite people, and if I had to, I’d get sliced up like deli meat again by a trained surgeon for him any day of the week.

My second child’s birth was less traumatic in almost every way. I was prepared for it. I knew what to expect. I had my go bag packed. I brought it with me and I used almost nothing that was in it. While I didn’t schedule it and I’d originally hoped for a VBAC, I was psyched; jazzed if you will, to have a second c-section. The doctor came in and spoke solemnly to me proceeding the birth. “Listen, there are some risks to having this procedure, including infection, death…” she said. My response was something like, “La la la, where do I sign?”

My stomach was so large, and I was in so much pain, I couldn’t wait to have the pregnancy be over. Of course, I was also so very excited to meet the little one I’d been waiting for for several years. I’d tried to get pregnant for three years with no luck, and so when I finally saw that blue line, I rejoiced. I was so in tune with my body and so up in all the FSH and pregnancy tests, knew I was pregnant at day 4. I went to the doctor’s office for something completely different, and I was like, “Um, hey, can I take a pregnancy test?” She said, “When was your last period?” I said, “28ish days ago.” She said, “It’d be too soon to tell.” I said, “Can we just f — k around and find out?” She knew I wasn’t going to give up. I said, “I bet you a sandwich I’m pregnant.” A bit of cup pee and a few moments later, she returned and was like, “Wow, you really know yourself! You are pregnant!”

Jessica Delfino

I write about life with 1 husband, 2 kids, 1 cat, sometimes funny. Bylines: TheNew Yorker, The NY Times, The Atlantic, McSweeney’s.