YouTube Is Threatening To Demonetize My 12-Year-Old Video Channel

I remember that lady!

Oh, hi there. I don’t expect you to know who I am, but maybe by chance you’ve heard of me — I’m a veteran comedian who has been performing stand-up comedy in NYC since 2001. I spent many late nights in basements and backrooms, “barking”; that is, handing out flyers and working for free in exchange for a little stage time. A sweet side bonus of this “job” was that I got to watch and absorb hundreds of hours of comedy from era legends and true wizards of the craft, including Patrice O’Neal, Jim Norton, Dave Chappelle, Date Attell, Colin Quinn and Tracy Morgan. (There weren’t too many women on the comedy stages in those days.) I slowly worked my way up the ranks and even enjoyed some small TV appearances on ABC’s Good Morning America, a MetroTV appearance with Jim Norton and a stint on the doomed Opie And Anthony radio show, among others.

After a bad breakup from a comedian who shall remain nameless but is easy enough to find with a Google search (we are still friendly-ish and go in and out of touch), I hid out in the “alternative” comedy scene to let things cool off and spent my evenings playing “dirty folk rock” comedy songs. Around 2006, one of my more ribald “feminist ballads”, “My Pu**y Is Magic”, a ditty wherein I waxed a poetic flow about my ladyregions, managed to capture the hearts and minds of the generation and was a little ahead of it’s time. For it, I was publicly denounced by the US Catholic League’s William Donohue in a press release, and rewarded with much press, many performance and touring opportunities here in the U.S.A. and abroad, for which I sent him thank you post cards from each city. Sadly, the video was unceremoniously booted off of YouTube the day before they sold their site to Google, even after it’d ammassed hundreds of thousands of views. We got around that by re-uploading it, misspelled “My Pu55y Is Magic”. Google me to see the literal mountain of things I’ve done over the years if you’re curious, or start here on my wiki page.

Look at this silly goose over here, trying to change the world with her comedy. Sweet outfit!

Cut to today — I’m a new mom. I used to spend my nights at the comedy clubs until the wee hours, now I spend them nursing, changing diapers and caring for a baby. I’ve traded in my sparkly dirty folk rock heels for comfortable sneakers and I no longer cart a guitar from gig to gig, I cart a little one from doctor appointments to play dates. As a woman who chooses to go on hiatus from the dirty folk rock comedian lifestyle in an effort to put the focus on someone else’s personal growth, job options are sparse, but writing is one I’ve been able to do with some ease during the baby’s naps and in the late night and early morning hours, just like in my comedy days. In addition to freelancing with High Times, (I wrote a cover story last month about ‘Moms Who Use Cannabis’ of which I am NOT one), VH1.com and more, I blog here at “One And Done Mom” where I’ve been made a top parenting writer for my excessive word dump. I have plans to incorporate the subscribers I’ve gathered over the years at Youtube.com/JessDelfino and begin to create some branded content for this here parenting blog. But alas, I received an email from YouTube telling me that it might not be so. It stated:

“Under the new eligibility requirements announced today, your YouTube channel, Jessica Delfino, is no longer eligible for monetization because it doesn’t meet the new threshold of 4,000 hours of watchtime within the past 12 months and 1,000 subscribers. As a result, your channel will lose access to all monetization tools and features associated with the YouTube Partner Program on February 20, 2018 unless you surpass this threshold in the next 30 days. Accordingly, this email serves as 30 days notice that your YouTube Partner Program terms are terminated.”

As you can imagine, this is a huge bummer for a stay-at-home / freelancer mother of a young baby who relies on every stream of income I have to make ends meet in this big scary city.

So I’m sending out an S.O.S.: Please help me get to 1000 subscribers — that’s about 50% more than where I’m currently at, and 4000 hours of viewing time within the next 30 days. That means I need to get about 1000 people to view one of my videos, such as this video of me performing my “rape whistle song” and more in front of a few hundred fancy pants in Philly 2012, my “My Pu**y Is Magic” song filmed here, live in London at the famed Duckie show, and about 488 to subscribe to my channel.

To help lure you and other viewers in, I’ve recently put up a new video — a classic dirty folk rock song called “I Was In Love With You” which was filmed at the legendary Joe’s Pub in New York City in July 2016 when I was 9 months pregnant. The song is very dirty. It’s about the great, at times disturbing lengths we humans will go to for love. It’s funny, wicked, ribald and not for those with heart conditions, fear of life or to watch in your work cubicle, unless you work somewhere cool.

Here’s the artwork for the show I did when I was 8 months preggo. Credit: Mindy Tucker.

Thank you so much for your help!

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Jessica Delfino

Jessica Delfino

I write about life with 1 husband, 1.5 kids, 1 cat, at times funny. www.Twitter.com/JessicaDelfino Bylines: New Yorker, The NY Times, The Atlantic, McSweeney’s.